mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
