i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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