Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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