I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
