Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
