Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
