How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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