So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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