Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
porn star boner night. come get it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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