I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
