Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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