my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
