Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need moral support for this bender
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
