Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
