I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
