He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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