I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
