we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
