I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
