What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
