Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
