i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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