I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
