I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
