Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
