Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
