When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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