I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
