Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
