You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
