hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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