I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
