Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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