I wish they made helmets for livers.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
