so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
love makes seman taste better
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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