i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
