He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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