Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So here I am, sexting at work.
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