my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
