Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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