ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
