im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
