Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
