Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
