I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She bit a glass in half.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
