i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
