i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
