Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
