The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
