I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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