my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we're so committed to being not committed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
