HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
