then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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