she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
